At last, I understand

For several years now, people have been referring to Dane Cook as a "comic," and I have been completely baffled. How-what-huh?? Really? But I thought comics were supposed to be funny! What is the draw?

But now, finally, at long last, I get it. I understand why people like him. I understand why he does stadium shows. Are you ready for it?

It's because he isn't funny.

Simple as that. People love him because he isn't funny. People love him because he's the guy that was the "funny" one in the frat house simply because he was the guy who was willing to roll on the floor for a laugh. People love him because he doesn't say anything original, so they don't have to wonder why they didn't think of it first. People love him because he doesn't say anything complicated or use big words, and he tells you when you're supposed to laugh by always getting loud on the punchline. You never feel dumb when watching him because you know for a fact that you're smarter than this guy.

In fact, you know what it is? He's the training wheels of comedy. He's the guy that people turn to when they think they should like stand-up comedy but are scared by innovative or deadpan or ethnically-specific comedy. He'll help you ease into the world of tiny tables and two-drink minimums. You can just stare at the stage and laugh when he tells you, and everyone goes home happy.

Ok, I have to go turn off his Comedy Central Special now before I shoot the TV. This whole thing has left me feeling sullied. I need to go watch every single episode of "That Mitchell and Webb Look" (on my stupid computer because it's region 2) to get my comedic integrity back. If that doesn't work, I'll take a Clorox shower. And because I feel bad about making you read about such an unworthy entertainer, I'll leave you with not one, not two, but three sketches from Messers. Mitchell and Webb. Do enjoy!


German SS Officers



Not this, but...



Football

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Cash 4 Gold

I know we've joked about the Cash 4 Gold commercials and how completely obvious the scam is, but I'm actually starting to think we were looking at it the wrong way. How great would it be if that company was actually run by the police or the FBI, and they really do want stolen gold so they can nab the really stupid criminals who are trying to fence their loot there? That would be awesome. There's no way it's true, but it would be great if it were. Hmm, maybe I should apply for one of those FBI jobs after all...
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Education for the Future

As we get older, we learn more about who we are and what we are like. For my part, I have discovered that I am extremely susceptible to advertising. Case in point? Whenever I see an ad for ITT Tech, I think to myself "Yeah! If I had a degree from ITT Tech, I could have a good job in computer technology!" Doesn't matter that I have a BA from a good University and a MA to boot. No, those sheepskins don't make a lick of difference - after all, I don't have a job! But if I went to ITT, I could help people with their passwords and wear button-down shirts and have three kids! Hooray!


I need to stop watching TV.
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