Dispatches from La-La-Land

I do apologize for my absence. It seems that in trying to keep busy, I've somehow managed to keep too busy, which is truly an odd phenomenon for someone in a position such as mine. And what on earth have I been up to? What could possibly be sapping so much of my day that I have found it difficult to scrape together a few minutes to write a blog post?

Several things. First, volunteering. Now, this hasn't been taking up vast swaths of time, but it has been rewarding in its own way. At first it seemed odd that whilst looking for someone to pay me to work, I should work for free, but now it seems odd that the notion ever seemed odd. After all, these organizations need people with spare time to help them out, and I have spare time and want something useful to do, so why on earth not go for it? I'll admit that it was suggested to me several times before I took action, and that it was an Obama commercial that finally got me off the couch and over to the computer, but all's well that ends well. If you're interested, I've found VolunteerMatch to be extremely helpful. So far I've gone on a bird count with the Audubon Society and started a community outreach research project for the National MS Society. More to come...

Second, and more selfish and time-consuming (but marginally more lucrative): auditioning. I'd say acting, but I really have been focusing more on the audition part of the equation. I used to be a working actor (with a day job), and I did go to drama school, but since moving to LA I've done nothing of the sort. Now that I have all this time during the day, though, I figured I might as well see what's out there for me in this field. It fits nicely into my "no stone unturned" approach to job-searching, and in addition to being an enormous source of entertainment for me, it has already yielded a couple of paying gigs! Nothing that'll pay the rent, but it'll keep me online for a month or two.

Looking through audition listings, I've noticed a few things. First, people are seriously creepy. Seriously. Creepy. I stay well away from those auditions. Second, there is no shortage of demand for "hot," "sensual," or "sexy" women for whom there will be "nudity and sexuality required" in audition listings, but I have my doubts as to whether there are actual, funded projects behind many of them. Third, if you have a truly bizarre talent, someone out there will put you on TV or in a movie, but probably only once, so don't count on it being your meal ticket forever. (This also includes unique physical traits - I just saw a listing that had as a postscript "Weird hair is helpful.") And finally, there are a disturbingly-large number of audition listings that specifically mention "must be good at facial expressions." That's verbatim. Now, I know that Botox is beyond popular here, but has it actually managed to annihilate all expression from 99% of actors' faces? Or do these casting directors know that 99% of "actors" here have no idea what they're doing and can't even pull faces? Or is that line just The Mark Of The Amateur? I do not yet know the answer to this question, because most listings that have that caveat also have multiple spelling errors, and I refuse to even make contact with people who can't be bothered to run a quick spell-check.

Despite all of this, I am persisting, and I am learning from each audition and each gig (thusfar I have been paid to be an audience member, an extra in a commercial, and a hair model for one of those books you see at the salon), and most importantly, it's still really amusing for me. When I get jaded I'll stop, but for now, it's all good.
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OBEY

What happens when you take a Futurama reference, run it through Shepard Fairey's Obey Giant design, and then shoot it out the Obama poster? This:


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I am the Sultan of Scrabble

I'm not one to brag, but I just scored an all-time best at (online) Scrabble: 409 points. Obama's America truly is magical!




You know, I'd say I need to get a hobby, but seeing as how this is my hobby, maybe I should get a job.
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Take my money... please!

I know that when Obama swears next week, the health care system won't magically get fixed and we won't immediately be saved from having to pay thousands of dollars for routine doctor visits (think about how much you pay per year, and how many times you see your doctor. The math works.), but I still wish it were so. Wishing only goes just so far.

When my last employment ended, I got the option (as always) of signing up for Cobra and continuing what had been awesome coverage. I didn't look at the paperwork at first, just figuring the cost alone would give me a heart attack, and I didn't give it a second thought until last week, when I received a mysterious bill for $38.81 in the mail. I actually had to Google the company to figure out it was my Cobra provider, but I was still baffled. What the hell could possibly cost $38.81? And why did the bill only mention the month of November by way of explanation? Could it be that this was supposed to be my Cobra payment for the month?

Full of hope, I sat down with my checkbook, ready and willing to pay $38.81 per month for continued health coverage. It's a steal! But just as my pen was about to hit the paper, I paused, and dug up the old Cobra paperwork just for fun. Oh my. Yes, $38.81 was far too good to be true, and the number seemed to have been invented by gnomes. What these people wanted from me was actually $433.16 per month, which is hilarious considering the weekly payout for Unemployment Insurance in my state is $405 after federal taxes. Needless to say, I have opted not to continue this wonderful service.

Instead, after having been uninsured and paranoid since the end of my employment, I finally bit the proverbial bullet today and applied online for catastrophic health insurance through Tonik. Sigh. I hate tossing my money down the drain like this, but it's less than a quarter of what Cobra wanted, and if I get hit by a car while out walking, I'll actually be able to go to a hospital. Hooray!

All the same, Obama, if you're listening, you really need to do something about the cost of health insurance. This is madness.
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I don't know why.

I woke up with this stuck in my head for no apparent reason, so I'm spreading it to you in hopes that it leaves me alone. That makes it sound terrible and deadly. Allow me to rephrase: enjoy this delightful and catchy song!



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A Campaign Promise Fulfilled

When I made my last donation before the election, it was because I was really hoping for good results this time, but more than that it was because I was promised a free t-shirt that "might not arrive before the election."

Slight understatement, that.

Today, January 7th, 2009, over two full months after the election, my free t-shirt finally arrived. And here I thought it was all just empty campaign rhetoric! I shall never doubt again.


Thanks, Obama!
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